Melanie Lampro

Predicting Fibromyalgia Flares (if only!)

What if life came with a dial that could warn you when a fibromyalgia flare was brewing? Enter the Flare-O-Meter™ – the utterly fictional, completely imaginary, but oh-so-desirable gadget that every fibro-warrior secretly dreams of.

Shaped like a vintage sci-fi invention, the Flare-O-Meter™ comes equipped with:

• A retro gauge to measure flare risk: LOW (smooth orbit ahead), MODERATE (caution, cadet!), and HIGH (danger, space-pilot!).
• A flashing beacon to warn when things are about to go pear-shaped.
• A soothing voice alert, reminding you to slow down and grab your cosiest blanket.

Sadly, it doesn’t actually exist (yet). But imagine the freedom of knowing when to say yes to plans, when to cancel, and when to curl up with your hot water bottle before the flare even strikes.

Of course, no machine can predict the unpredictability of fibromyalgia. But the Flare-O-Meter™ is more than a whimsical invention; it’s a symbol of the invisible calculations we make every day, weighing energy, pain, weather, sleep, and stress like human supercomputers.

Wouldn’t it be marvellous to have a gadget that did the sums for us? Until then, the Flare-O-Meter™ exists only as a retro-styled flight of fancy; a reminder that a little humour goes a long way when navigating life with chronic illness.

🚨 Warning: The Flare-O-Meter™ is not available in shops. But we can dream.